Blather
The Citroën Dali
“Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole”- The Modern Lovers Last Thursday evening we were driving home from Wales. Clare was sitting beside me and the kids had fallen asleep on the back seat. The two grown-ups were about to have a proper grown-up conversation when a jet black Citroën Xsara Picasso overtook us somewhat [...]
Why so serious?
We spent yesterday in Wales visiting my old friends Jude & Jonathan at their secluded lakeside retreat located somewhere between Llanidloes and God Knows Where (Dduw Chnotiau Ble). I introduced my old friends to my new family and, for the second time in my life, tried to water ski. It was not a dignified sight. [...]
April Fools
When I was a student at Hull University, lo those many years ago, I was involved in a cruel and unusual April Fools prank that I still feel rather guilty about now. It wasn’t my idea, you understand. I could never have dreamt up anything that reeked of so much wrong. I didn’t have much [...]
Oxford, Cambridge and Hull
We arrived back home from Hull the other week safe and sound and ever-so-slightly knackered. Or at least I was. Knackered, that is. Clare, Lily and Optimus were just safe and sound. As I mentioned previously, we went to Hull to collect a pram that can change into a pushchair and that’s why we call [...]
Top Ten Commandments
It’s embarrassing to admit this, but we’re into the third week of January and I still haven’t cobbled together one of those obligatory end-of-the-year lists for 2008. I can’t begin to explain how bad this makes me feel. These lists have become such a staple of the blogosphere that each and every one of us [...]
Golf Stream
Lils has joined an after-school golf club at her infant school where she and her five year old pals will soon be learning the arcane arts of pitching, putting and wearing a Pringle v-neck. She’s tremendously excited about it. Lils was talking to Clare and me about this, and I said, quite innocently: “Wow, Lils [...]
MMIX
So here we are, at the start of a bright new year; and here I am, thumping the keyboard like a sausage-fingered caveman, trying to hammer out my first blog post of 2009. It’s also my first blog post in almost a month, but who’s keeping track of these things, anyhow? Something odd has recently [...]
Paradox on the Buses
I’m perversely tempted to take part in the indefatigable Jon (Birmingham: It’s Not Shit) Bounds’ demented-yet-delightful bus-based social experiment, 11-11-11: On the 11th of November let’s create a modern ritual, a post-millennial cultural cult. Eleven hours on the eleven bus — join us. The rules: Get on the 11C at 11am (or as near as [...]
Roadkill
I was sitting at my desk today, doing some work and trying to mind my own business. Some colleagues sitting across from me were talking about Roman roads. I don’t know why, they just were. Against my better judgement, I decided to elbow my way into their conversation: “Is that Roman roads you’re talking about?” [...]
Strange New Words Reconsidered
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I’m into neologisms in a big way. When I get bored, I make up new words. I got bored this week, so I made up a new word. If you want it you can have it. VEXICON (vek-sə-kän), noun, A collection of words, phrases and expressions that I find deeply annoying.
Erratum
After all that trouble I went to last night writing a fairly lengthy post about the late anti-Establishment comic George Carlin and his Supreme Court-baiting Seven Forbidden Words, I actually committed a hideous typo and missed one out. I know this because I received a text message this afternoon from my pal, the macaroon-chomping Friend [...]
Insane in the Membrane
All that talk in my previous post about meaningless corporate jargon reminded me of an incident that happened some years ago, whilst I was working for that aforementioned company that was so prone to wholesale crimes against language. At one point in the early 2000s, a phrase that was doing the rounds in the business [...]
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