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Recent stuff that’s appeared elsewhere
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I’m a mostly funny writer, sometimes illustrator, and lapsed stand-up comedian based in Birmingham, UK. Currently an Expert Blogger at Time Out Birmingham, I’ve had humour pieces, illustrations, and articles about popular culture appear in print and online publications.
If you’re interested in learning more about my writing services or hiring me then contact me today!
My Twitter Jokes
Wolverine’s sister: Margerine
At San Quentin, prisoners buy condoms with ‘Johnny Cash’
Which hotel are the Kaiser Chiefs staying at? (I predict a Hyatt)
When satellites die do they get an orbituary?
My favourite Thomas de Quincey classic is’Ye worlde of Forensik Medicin’
TripAdvisor rates the Hotel California ‘Lovely place, lovely place’
Movie Pitch: Star Wars/Man from U.N.C.L.E crossover starring the Solo Brothers
Abbreviating latin phrases is my M.O.
UK-filmed Star Wars sequels to feature Jedi Knights grumbling about weather, queues
I was introduced to the concept of ‘critical mass’ by a sarcastic priest
I neither believe nor disbelieve in the existence of vampires. I’m ‘agnosferatu’.
If Noddy Holder fell in the middle of a forest and nobody was there to hear him would he still feel the noize?
Conspiracy theorists claim Sting and The Police ‘faked’ walking on the moon
The BBFC should introduce a Certificate 40: ‘May contain scenes of mid-life ennui and grocery shopping’
Never forget those wise words of Uncle Ben: ‘With great power comes great boil-in-the-bag rice’
What do you call an existentialist cow? ‘Camoo’
Movie Pitch: GUYS’ DAY OUT: Guy Ritchie, Guy Pearce and Elbow’s Guy Garvey travel to Guyana to watch Buddy Guy. Hilarity ensues.
I was a failed Police Sketch Artist – could never quite capture Sting’s smugness.
Ironically, the original Amazons were fierce female warriors who sold books AND paid tax
TripAdvisor rated this corral ‘OK’ #WildWestProblems
CERN scientists finally prove that Wagon Wheels are still the same size, your hands have grown
UK Government announce plans to sell reconditioned 1970s NHS specs to “gullible overseas hipsters”