I was a failed Police Sketch Artist – could never quite capture Sting’s smugness.

@tomlennon

Uproar in US following claims Daniel Day Lewis “only pretended to be Lincoln”

@tomlennon

Xenuphobic, n. An irrational fear of people who have an irrational fear of psychiatry #neologism

@tomlennon

I’d never cut off my nose to spite my face – my glasses wouldn’t stay up

@tomlennon

In danger of being snowed-in at work. Just saw Liam Neeson in the car park punching a wolf

@tomlennon

Re-Taken #teenagefilms

@tomlennon

At Loco Lounge & I’ve just explained to Edie (3) what all the different chess pieces do. She shouts “Pawn!” & I get disapproving looks

@tomlennon

I might write a bittersweet tale of Star Trek-obsessed kid growing up in 70s Northern Ireland. I’ll call it ‘The Tribble with the Troubles’

@tomlennon

Osborne announces Tweet allowance cut back to 60 chara

@tomlennon

Ironically, the original Amazons were fierce female warriors who sold books AND paid tax

@tomlennon

TripAdvisor rated this corral ‘OK’ #WildWestProblems

@tomlennon

Skyfall, like every other Bond film, takes place on a Bank Holiday Monday

@tomlennon

The phone rang, I bolted across the room and tripped over daughter’s toy pushchair. It was a recorded message from an accident claims firm

@tomlennon

Have just noticed that Pete Townsend has a really enormous nose. Had previously thought that the rest of his head was tiny

@tomlennon

Each living soul is a vast engine of infinite possibility. Except for the tossers.

@tomlennon

Nick Clegg under fire from bigots following “Bigots are touchy” remark

@tomlennon

CERN scientists finally prove that Wagon Wheels are still the same size, your hands have grown

@tomlennon

Apple faces $1 Billion lawsuit from Granny Smith

@tomlennon

UK Government announce plans to sell reconditioned 1970s NHS specs to “gullible overseas hipsters”

@tomlennon

There’s no “I” in “Team”; There’s no “F” in “Chance”

@tomlennon